What do I owe my significant other

What Do I Owe My Significant Other?

That's a thought-provoking question! You might wonder, “What kind of communication does my spouse need from me? What are my responsibilities toward them, even on tough days?”

Framed like this, it can feel like your partner is more of a burden than a joy.

Consider a familiar scenario: one partner exclaims, “You never listen to me!” and the other replies, “I heard everything you said!” Sound familiar? In relationships, it’s crucial for partners to listen with compassion and empathy, ensuring each person feels truly heard (Griffin, Ledbetter, & Sparks, 2015, p.179). Some days, marriage can inspire you to sing joyfully from the rooftops; other days, you might find yourselves in conflict or feeling completely lost. If these tensions continue unchecked, they can seriously affect long-term satisfaction. So, how can couples reduce conflict and enhance their relationship? The answer lies in learning to communicate with patience, kindness, gentleness, and respect.

Understanding

While relationships can be challenging, they’re also rewarding. Even through conflicts, couples often find that working through difficulties leads to personal growth. In yoga, we refer to this balance as sthira sukham (asanam), the sweet spot between effort and ease (SRF, 2009). Like the dialectical tensions studied by Baxter and Montgomery, this balance is essential for a healthy relationship (1996).

In monogamous relationships, couples frequently face these tensions in everyday life. The work can be tough, but the reward is a sense of balance and ultimately, bliss. Understanding how our communication affects each other can transform our relationships (Blinne, 2014). Couples can enhance their happiness and satisfaction by adopting mindfulness strategies through yoga.

The Power of Positive Belief

We naturally want to believe the best about our partners (Baxter, 2009) and hope they feel the same about us. Yet, why do we often expect our partners to see us in the best light while assuming the worst about them? This is where Relational Dialectics Theory comes in. This concept highlights the contradictions within romantic relationships. Baxter and Montgomery point out that while we desire closeness and openness, we’re also drawn to autonomy and privacy (Griffin, Ledbetter, & Sparks, 2015, p.138).

These internal dialectics create ongoing tensions in our relationships. Meanwhile, outside influences can also impact the relationship. If left unmanaged, these tensions can lead to dissatisfaction.

But what if we applied yoga principles to our relationships?

Can we find the balance needed to navigate these tensions and boost relationship satisfaction? Research shows that mindful practices like yoga can enhance communication within families. The truth is that many couples don’t realize how much stronger and better their marital relationships can be. In fact, even the most complex and seemingly hopeless situations have been transformed by applying communication theories and techniques.

So, let’s explore how we can improve our relationships together!

By balancing secure attachment with healthy autonomy and connection, you create a relationship that’s both fulfilling and resilient. It’s all about nurturing the bond while allowing space for individual growth. Together, you can build a lasting and satisfying partnership!

1. Foster Secure Attachment

Open Communication: Create a safe space where both partners can express their feelings without fear of judgment. Practice active listening, where you genuinely hear and acknowledge what your partner is saying.
Consistency and Reliability: Be dependable. Small acts of reliability build trust over time. If you say you’ll do something, follow through.
Emotional Support: Show empathy and validate your partner's feelings. Let them know you’re there for them, especially during tough times.

2. Encourage Healthy Autonomy

Personal Space: Recognize that both partners need time alone or with friends. Respect each other’s individuality and interests.
Encourage Growth: Support each other’s personal goals and interests. Whether it’s a hobby, career change, or self-improvement, celebrating these can strengthen your bond.
Set Boundaries: Discuss and establish boundaries that allow for both connection and independence. Make sure both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs.
Quality vs. Quantity of Time: It’s not just about spending time together but how you engage during that time. Focus on meaningful interactions that strengthen your connection, even if they’re less frequent.

3. Cultivate Connection

Quality Time: Make time for each other regularly, whether it’s a date night, a shared hobby, or simply enjoying a quiet evening together. This strengthens your bond.
Express Appreciation: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate each other’s contributions to the relationship. A simple “thank you” can go a long way.
Shared Goals: Work on goals together, whether it’s planning a trip, tackling a project, or setting future aspirations. This creates a sense of teamwork and unity.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Stay Present: Mindfulness techniques can help you stay present with each other. This means fully engaging during conversations and being aware of your partner’s needs.
Conflict Resolution: Approach conflicts with a calm mindset. Instead of reacting defensively, take a moment to breathe and consider your partner’s perspective.

5. Seek Help When Needed

Therapy or Counseling: If conflicts arise that you can’t resolve on your own, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist. They can provide valuable tools and strategies for improvement.

References:

Baxter, L. A., & Montgomery, B. M. (1996). Relating: Dialogues and dialectics. New York:

Guilford.

Baxter, L. A. (2004). “A Tale of Two Voices: Relational Dialectics Theory”.

The Journal of Family Communication , 181-192.

Blinne, K., Bartesaghi, Mariaelena, Bell, Elizabeth, Grewal, Gurleen, & LeVan, Michael. (2014). Communication as Yoga, ProQuest Dissertations and Theses.

Erbert, L. A. (2000). Conflict and dialectics: Perceptions of dialectical contradictions in marital

conflict. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(4-5), 638-659.

doi:10.1177/0265407500174009

Griffin, E. (2014). A First Look at Communication Theory. New York: McGraw-Hill.