How Tensions Work in Relationships

Leslie Baxter is one of the key scholars behind Relational Dialectics Theory (RDT), a communication theory that explores the dynamic and often contradictory tensions inherent in interpersonal relationships. Baxter and Montgomery (2010) developed RDT to explain how relationships are not static but are constantly shaped through the interplay of opposing needs and desires.

Relational Dialectics Theory is the theory behind my exploration of mindful communication. Together, they beautifully stress the importance of balancing opposites, engaging with discomfort, and embracing relationship dynamics as fluid and evolving processes. This intersection between yoga philosophy and communication theory can offer profound insight into how couples can foster meaningful and resilient partnerships.

How Tensions Work in Relationships

Baxter and Montgomery emphasize that these tensions are ongoing and inevitable, not signs of dysfunction. They theorize that a relationship's success depends on how partners navigate and negotiate these opposing forces rather than eliminating them.

RDT views relationships as dialogic, meaning they are shaped through open and evolving conversations in which partners express and respond to conflicting needs over time.

Application of RDT

My research on how mindfulness, yoga, and mindful communication impact relationship satisfaction fits naturally with Relational Dialectics Theory.

1. Balance between Effort and Ease (Sthira Sukham)

   • The yogic principle of balancing effort and relaxation (sthira sukham) mirrors the RDT dialectics, like the balance between autonomy and connection. In yoga, couples learn to balance effort and relaxation in harmony, just as they must balance opposing relational needs.

2. Mindful Listening as a Tool for Openness vs. Closedness

   • Mindful communication encourages openness without forcing it. Yoga practices like meditation create space for listening deeply, where each partner feels safe to share without pressure to reveal everything.

3. Managing Tensions Through Awareness

   • Yoga teaches practitioners to sit with discomfort, similar to how Baxter encourages couples to embrace dialectical tensions rather than trying to "fix" them. Mindful partners become more comfortable navigating relational uncertainty and unpredictability.

4. Growth through Dialogue

   • Just as yoga helps individuals tune into their bodies and breathe, RDT emphasizes that relationships thrive through dialogue by voicing tensions and engaging in conversations that allow relationships to evolve authentically.